


ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards

by invertedrainbow



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, happy birthday burnie, no really this is a birthday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 03:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invertedrainbow/pseuds/invertedrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The alarms start a week before Burnie's actual birthday and Joel is dumbfounded, mostly, because he never knew that Google Calendar is an actual thing. He is pretty sure he didn’t put the alarm on his phone  because his greatest enemy is technology, mainly because he is an old fart, according to the Achievement Hunter lads. Those idiots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards

**Author's Note:**

> this is written because skree and i were tossing ideas back and forth and she just said "you know you have to write this, right?"
> 
> and i didn't have the power to say no because _this ship_
> 
> title from this is gospel by p!atd

Joel thinks that Burnie is the biggest piece of shit known to man.

The alarms start a week before Burnie's actual birthday and Joel is dumbfounded, mostly, because he never knew that Google Calendar is an actual thing. He is pretty sure he didn’t put the alarm on his phone because his greatest enemy is technology, mainly because he is an old fart, according to the Achievement Hunter lads. Those idiots.

The first alarm reads: _One week, motherfucker!_

And he goes, “Huh.”

He checks his actual calendar to see what the fuss is about, and he finds out that the date is January 11. Next week is January 18. He grimaces and marches straight to Burnie’s office, where the man is “diligently” working. Diligently, meaning “cannot be disturbed because there’s ton of paperwork and he looks pissed about something”. Burnie sees him and frowns.

“Whatever it is, Joel, it’s not my fault,” Burnie tells him and goes back to his… work. Whatever it is he is doing. Most of the time, Joel has no idea what Burnie does and it bugs him, but he knows he’ll die of baldness if he continues thinking about it. (Then he thinks, “Do people die of baldness?” The cycle continues.)

Joel clicks his tongue and stands his ground. “Why do you always think that I’m here to bitch around with you? Can’t I visit a good friend?”

“Shut up Heyman, I don’t need your cooties,” Burnie replies with snark, and Joel dramatically acts out a fake heart attack. “Oh my god, get the fuck out!”

“Okay, okay, Jesus,” Joel mumbles when he leaves, and as if on cue, his phone vibrates inside his back pocket. He reaches for it and sees the next alarm: _Better buy me a present, you ungrateful fucktard._

Then he goes, “Goddamnit.”

 

 

 

It continues on for a whole week, much to Joel’s demise.

On the first few days, he would forget about the alarms completely and dismiss the vibration as a text message, and when he’d check his phone, a simple, “ _Don’t forget or you’re dead”_ is displayed, and he groans.

But when it starts alarming in the middle of the night and at 3 AM in the morning, it begins to piss Joel off. First, he thinks, he is a good person (sort of). Why would the heavens do this to him? Second, he curses his phone for being too complicated, and swears he would smash it outside the office like Michael would do if he doesn’t actually need it. Lastly, and weirdly enough, he thinks of Burnie, because who’s the most annoying asshole in the office that would do such a thing?

That, or Burnie is just a permanent fixture in his mind and he’s just finding a proper way to dismiss his thoughts of him, because let’s face it, Burnie is a pain in the ass but he’s a great friend. Sort of.

His thoughts of Burnie are cut off by a familiar alarm, and he screams.

The alarm says: _Happy Birthday to me! (In a few days!)_

 

 

 

When Friday comes along, Joel’s eyes are bloodshot and no one even dares to talk to him for nonsense. They just straight-up ignore him because he is emanating a scary aura and people wanted to live, so they go on with their business and let Joel do his work as peacefully as he could.

But when he screams bloody murder, the whole Rooster Teeth office goes into a standstill and even the Achievement Hunter people can’t complain about the noise because it is _Joel_ , and no one has seen Joel this mad before. Curiousity killed the cat, mostly.

Joel is marching to Burnie’s office in long strides, and when he enters the room and sees Chris talking to Burnie about some irrelevant shit, he just shoots him a dirty look and Chris immediately says, “Whoops, I forgot my thing,” and leaves. Joel slams the office door close and Burnie raises a brow. He closes in on Burnie’s personal space and throws his phone on the table.

“Burnie, for the love of god,” Joel starts, his voice menacing. “Turn the goddamned alarms off or I swear to god I have to kill someone in the office.”

“What are you talking about—“

“BURNIE DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF.”

And Burnie is, for a whole second, legitimately scared. So he takes Joel’s phone and fiddles with it a bit before giving it back, where Joel says “thank you” before slumping down on Burnie’s lap. Burnie giggles and makes a mess of Joel’s hair and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d get mad.”

“Really? I’ve known you for years, you bastard. You’d absolutely kill anybody just to see me this mad,” Joel mumbles, taking Burnie’s hand and giving it a kiss.

“Well, yeah, but you looked so _tired,_ ” Burnie mumbles guiltily, his eyes cast down on Joel, and Joel laughs. “Also, you suck at tech.”

“I’m always tired, and yes I do,” Joel explains when he finally stands up. “For the record, I knew it’s your birthday tomorrow ages ago.”

If that didn’t surprise Burnie, then he’s not sure what would.

“You… knew?”

“Gimme some credit, Burns. Of course I know.”

“Well, you’re the type that doesn’t seem so overly fond of birthdays to begin with…” Burnie explains, and he curses himself for being too happy about this. It is weird how he feels like he’s gonna burst of happiness, and he thinks it’s because of Joel’s cooties. Joel is gross and disgusting and wonderful and amazing and over-all sweet, when he gets into the right mood. Joel gives him a tired grin before pulling him in a kiss, slow and magnificent. It is like savouring chocolate in his mouth; Burnie doesn’t want it to end, but it has to, and he frowns when it does.

“Also, I got you a gift like ages ago,” Joel tells him, and Burnie’s face lightens up. “Only because after Christmas sales are convenient, don’t get the wrong idea.”

“Oh, I love you too, you old fart,” Burnie lets out that thunderous laughs of his before kissing him again, and Joel is reminded why he even bothers making him happy.

 

 

 

Around 12 in the morning, Burnie stirs in his bed when he hears his phone vibrate against the sidetable, and he grabs it unwillingly. He sees a message from Joel and raises a brow, and seeing how the very person who sent the message is beside him, he opens the message.

_From: Joel Heyman_

_Happy Birthday, you annoying prick. Don’t wake me up, I’m asleep as soon as I send this. I even waited 12 for you, you shit._

_P.S. I never replied to you earlier._

_I love you too._

 

 

 

When Joel wakes up at 5 in the afternoon, there is a message on his phone from Burnie and he tries to wake up, succeeding on the 5th minute. He opens the message and laughs.

_From: Lil Shit_

_I can’t believe you actually had the balls to greet me._

_P.S. We have a reservation at 7. Don’t be late._


End file.
